Golfers · The Wonga Cup

One round of golf a day will be like the offseason for this man. He plays more than Ricky Nixon. Gary doesn't say much, but when he does, it's usually to announce a birdie. He doesn't need to talk up his game — his effortless swing does it for him. Calm, composed, and capable of shooting numbers that turn heads, he's the kind of player you only notice when you realise he's already two up (as he is about to go three clear). Gary is here for the golf and here to win. Period. He is the ultimate professional who will dedicate non-course time to his recovery via his hired hyperbaric chamber whilst he fuels and hydrates under the guidance of his travelling nutritionist, which explains why he is not staying with his team – don't let him convince you otherwise. The King by name, and surely won't double down for the Silly Goose Hat this year.

The bomber of the bunch. When Brendan connects, the ball travels far enough to need a customs clearance. Back for his second appearance and on a mission to erase the memories of last year's Stableford Sunday front nine — effectively 15 goals down at half time in AFL terms with his team in disarray. Brendan's got the game and swagger for a bit of the old "follow me lads" to lead his team to a serious run at the title. The watch on Brendan: can he keep the driver under control.

First up start for Matthew Smith, now arriving Saturday after Friday plans fell through — his slot in the Day 1 singles draw gets folded into a Captain's Challenge instead, one golfer taking on two. A proud member of Melbourne Airport Golf Club, rumoured to do his best work somewhere between the airport and the 18th green. Nobody's actually seen him play yet, which is either ominous or means nothing at all. How will the influence of friends-gone-wild — i.e. Robert Hughes and team — affect his output? Will the pressure lead him to bust, or will the long, well-manicured fairways of Yarrawonga be where he takes flight?

Liam is better at scrambling than scrambled eggs. When he's in trouble, he has an uncanny knack of somehow escaping with a score that has no right to appear on the card. His putting is where the damage is done — putt for dough, not show — and once he gets the flat stick going he becomes a genuine threat. Off the tee he can be a little wayward, keeping both his playing partners and nearby wildlife on alert, but pair Liam with the right teammate and he becomes a seriously dangerous proposition.

The token lefty and master of the strategic iron off the tee. James plays the game his way — quietly, controlled and with precision, and often annoyingly effective. He will use his heart rate monitor to maximise and ensure peak performance. He's still chasing his first weekend win. Expect crisp contact, controlled right-to-left fades, and a strong putting game (potentially with a club that is not a putter). His win ratio is a constant talking point to anyone that will listen, as James carries the weight of his 0-2 record. Expect a chip on his shoulder this year as he seeks to sneak his way onto the winners board. This could be the year the southpaw strikes gold.

When Terrence is on, he launches towering, long, laser-straight drives that make the rest of the group wonder why they even bother practising. The catch? Golf has a cruel sense of humour and a shank is never far from the conversation. He can go from looking like a club champion to searching for spare balls in the trees in the space of two swings. If he keeps the big stick behaving, he'll be a handful for anyone standing opposite him.

Cayden has an unmatched ability to find good lies where none exist. If you hear the sound of a bus barrelling down the fairway, don't panic — it's just Cayden's big square-faced driver. This man doesn't miss fairways, period. He is a self-proclaimed human fairway finder. If he misses a fairway this year, it'll probably be because someone distracted him mid-backswing. Cayden enters the Annual Golf Extravaganza under an injury cloud, coming back from a self-diagnosed Grade 2 UCL tear. Will he be seen as a liability or a short-game specialist?

The workhorse of the weekend. Scott's one of the most frequent golfers in the group and improving every season. He's a driving force behind the Annual Golf Extravaganzas and brings a balance of strategy and gameplay. He has upped his golfing kit this year with a shiny new putter that he will try to keep under wraps. Don't be fooled — beneath the friendly smile lies a man who's absolutely here to win. Scott loves the beers and will ensure any opposition player constantly has their beer topped up. Don't mistake the laid-back exterior; there's a competitor lurking under that bucket hat.

The perennial smokey. When he's on, he's on. Freestun has that rare ability to light up a course out of nowhere, and his calm demeanour and light repetitive foot-tampering when setting up for his drive masks a dangerously competitive edge. He is the first picked in almost any team at his current handicap level. When his swing clicks, fairways shrink and greens enlarge — and with the '24 title and a Longest Drive medal already on the shelf, calling him a smokey is getting harder to justify.

The tactician, one of the main men behind the annual golf events. His golf doesn't talk so his strategy will. He'll either be plotting pairings to give his team the best chance for a win or fine-tuning his wedge game to thin another ball straight across the green. Nathan loves the golf weekend, with skill and ambition often being misunderstood. His interest in running has dampened his golf airtime, so it is yet to be seen if this makes for a fresh and relaxed swing or a case of a well-understated handicap.

The "Smiling Assassin" himself. Don't be fooled by the grin — Steve hasn't lost yet, and he's not planning to start now. Universally liked but has a knack for being underestimated right up until he's shaking your hand on the 18th. That said, spectators are advised to stand to the right of the fairway... his driver has been known to explore the scenic route hard left off the tee box. It must be known that Steve has been attending the local golf simulator to tweak his swing out of view of eager-eyed Grint followers.

The great unknown. With a record of a 107 (par 67) and a 43 (par 33), both at Woodend Golf Course, Jimmy is an interesting proposition. He enters the weekend with a token 30 handicap, which Sportsbet said provides great value for savvy punters. He has a reputation for early-morning beers, is already a crowd favourite, and most people haven't even met him yet. Paired with Robert Hughes, this duo promises chaos, comedy, and possibly greatness. Early scouting reports describe him as "dangerous." Whether that applies to his golf or his nightlife remains to be seen. Either way, eyes will be on Jimmy.

Equal parts golfer, entertainer, and hydration specialist. Maybe a little less golfer on second thought. Robert is unbeaten across 3 weekends for "The Pub Captain's Choice" Award, and this year won't be any different. Robert is famous for his "hand wedge" technique. Rob plays the game with a smile and a stubby. Always up for a laugh and never short of an excuse, Robert's not here to make history — he's here to be our DJ with at least 4 songs in his playlist, make memories (and maybe a few excuses) — and he'll probably win something he didn't know he was competing for.

A walking, talking commentary track. Few men can talk their way through a round quite like Ben. Ben's sledging is as relentless as his enthusiasm, and while he's yet to prove golf is his main focus, he's unbeaten at talking opponents out of form with a 1-0 record. Known to hit his fifth off the tee and still walk away with par, Ben is living proof that persistence (and creative maths) pays off. He's golf's version of chaos — and we wouldn't have it any other way.